Dewa Pujaanku

Sunday, August 31, 2008

A new whole chapter

I believe that life is like writing a book. A book with many chapters, climax and definitely endings. I have recently ended a chapter in my life. A chapter which was filled with tears and a feeling of relief. I couldn't believe that it has already been a week since he passed away, or no I mean passed on. It was 21 August 2008, 8.30pm.My late Yayi has passed on. I am sad for the fact that I felt that I have lost him forever but I am relieved that he is no longer suffering or in pain. But I realized that he has not left me but he will forever be watching me, forever in my heart. I have not lost him, i have him closer to me now. But I must say that I really miss him a lot. It feels different going to my grandma house and not seeing him there, the house seems so quiet.

I miss seeing him sitting at that black chair beside the kitchen with his walking stick beside him. I miss seeing him with his white singlet,kain pelekat and songkok haji. I miss going to his house and call him yayi and he will say 'eh amah' and he will smile from end to end. I miss his jokes and always saying that my brother is really tall. I miss his wise words. I miss massaging him and stroking his head. Till now his last words to me will forever be ringing in my head. "Amah, yayi nak mati." and I told him to rest, sleep and not think too much. He just nodded. But I didn't expect him to sleep forever. He held my hand and rubbed it. I didn't want to let go of him. I didn't get to see him during his last moments. How i wish i could but to know from my uncle that he left peacefully, it gave me a sigh of relief. Now, he is no longer suffering.

Tomorrow will be the start of Ramadhan a.k.a Fasting month. Arwah Yayi wont be around with us and I don't know how i will i take it, going to my grandma house without Yayi around for Hari Raya. It will be different but I am happy that I still have Nenek around. Let bygones be bygones. I don't want my grandpa to see how sad I am. I will take each step a day and it will take time to heal.

If people asked me how he died, i won't tell them but instead I will tell them how he lived.

He was a wise man with a big heart. I miss you so much Yayi. Will forever be missing you and loving you always. I wanna thank all those who had been there for me through this rough time. Thanks for making me look at it in a positive way. Thanks for comforting me. Love you all so much. Thanks for being there for me. :)
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With sadness there will soon be happiness.We are welcoming another member to the family. My sis went for her ultrasound and yes, I WON! It's a girl!! Yeah..Girl Power. Samad family is ruled by girls. Hahaha. Now the parents gonna be are busy choosing names. My parents are all excited, they are already thinking what their grandchild will be calling them. Haha. How I can't wait. Girl = shopping + make over! hahaha. My sis and Abg Halim gonna have a headache.

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It was a very busy weekend. We shifted all the boxes and furnitures of our old house. I wanna thank all those who helped. Hehe, panchit ledi. Tomorrow working already and tomorrow is the start of the fasting month. This will be my first time fasting while working.

**P.S Sorry for not updating after such a long time.**

Saturday, August 9, 2008

In silence..

These past few days have been very hard for me. I fell sick but what I am feeling can never be compared to what my yayi is going through right now. I want to thank all those who has been giving me their support and concern. Alhamdulillah, I am recovering. Thanks to the medical attention and support I have from my loved ones. Thank you so much. Its in times like this that I need my loved ones the most. Thank you.
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A dedication to my Yayi
He has been in pain and suffering in silence. I miss his laughters, smile and his advices that he has always been giving to me. How I wish I could share his pain, how I wish i could take his pain away. Now when I see him, he is totally different from the pics that I have of him. Yes, we may not have taken a lot pics together but that does not mean I don't have memories of him. Wonderful memories of him are always in my mind and shall never be forgotten.

It pains me to see him suffering and crying. The doctor says that his days are already numbered but to me, only god determines that. Only god is the almighty, as Allah S.W.T is the only that can take away anyone. I leave this to the hands of god. I pray for my yayi's best to god everyday, hoping that my prayers can help him lessen his pain. I pray to god so that my yayi knows that his family loves him a lot. His memory is fading but the only thing I want him to remember is that I love him so much. I know that I have to be strong and I don't want him to see me or any of his loved ones sad. I pray to god to give me strength to face all this.


I miss his smile so much.
A man whom I shall always respect and whom many look up to, my yayi.


P.S. I am sorry if I am being so emotional but I just couldn't help it.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Happy Birthday Bro!


A post dedicated to my bro, Uli. Yes, he may look retarded but it is his 18th birthday today. I want to wish him a happy, prosperous and healthy life ahead of him. He is my one and only brother and for that I am blessed. With all that we've went through together, it made our brother to sister relationship stronger. I am lucky to have a close relationship with my siblings. For that I thank god and also my family for making it a point that we as siblings look after one another. I can't believe he is already 18, and bro you are going for NS soon. Wkakakaaka! I so can't wait for that moment when you have to cut GI. Say bye bye to your long hair k. Treasure it while you still can, LOL! Sure going to miss him. Hais, yes, I love my bro. ;p

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Mom is coming back next week. How I cant wait. Its been months since I last saw her. Yes, I am sounding like a small kid now. I want my mommy! hahaha. Need to do some cleaning for my wardrobe. Thanks to bro who LOVES to mess it up. Hais, that's what brothers are for. As most of us know, Bak house is under renovation right now. I cant wait to see the all new kitchen. Wehoo!
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Work was very straight forward just now. Had a meeting with my supervisor and there is a list of things that I have to do. Now I am back to the working mode. I also took the oppurtunity to have lunch with Michelle. Its good that we have a chance to get to know one another better. :D

I got some very good advises from her in which I will always take note of. Sorry Sue Ya if you had to skip lunch. My meeting lasted till 1 pm. Well, fasting month is just around the corner. That is the month when I can SAVE SAVE SAVE!! Haha, nak shopping raya lerr.

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Everyone please don't stop praying for my grandpa. My aunt from Austrailia is back for a while to visit him. I just want to make him happy.

Psst.... as suggested by my sis, please place your votes on my tagboard. Will Lim Nasrul Jr be a boy or girl?? Please state your choice. I say girl!!! :p Cos if it is a girl, it will be pretty as me.

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Late update on my pics.. btw here are some pics. Introducing my collegues..This was during lunch last Thursday. It was Illango's birthday so we went to Indian Wok @ Siglap for lunch. Thanks for the wonderful lunch :D


Monday, August 4, 2008

Monday Blues..

Back to work. Monday is always a hard day to accept. Firstly, I can't believe the weekend has just passed. Secondly, its a start of another week at work. But the week tend to pass by very fast. Ya rite.. how I wish I could say that while I am at work. I countdown to the end but when I really am concentrating on something, I can forget the time. Hahaha, not saying that I don't give my 100% when I am at work, of course I do but when I start to feel agitated, my brain shut down. Damage done. But my internship is definitely a memorable one. I get to be involved in workshops and treats by my supervisor. My colleagues are very nice to me. I mean of course there are the good and bad moments but as long as I know at the end of the month I get my pay, I am happpy :D Anyways I had a meeting in the morning till lunch time. I had a later lunch today in which I prefer because by the time I get back to the office, it seems that time passes by faster.
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As I was taking a break, I read an article from Yahoo!News. A Greek man actually beheaded his girlfriend and injured 2 women and a police officer while escaping from being arrested. He actually walked around his village with the head in his hands.That guy is reported to be a physcho path. I really pity the passers by. Who would be seen walking around town holding someone's head in his hands? If I was one of the passers by, I'd go bonkers. I'd be like 'Oh shit!' and I'd probably faint. Can you imagine the sight of a head.Eeeewww!! But it left me wondering..did the gf know that he was crazy when they were in the relationship???

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When in between work I get to analyze things and think deep. Is this who I really want to be? Is this my future? Hmmm..honestly I am uncertain. I definitely would want to graduate with a highest qualification of a degree or a bachelor, preferably in early childhood. Insyallah. I want to provide as much as I can for my loved ones. Being successful does not necessarily mean that you are happy. I want to be happy. Define happiness. Happiness to me is knowing that I have people who loves me constantly and knowing that they are there for me to turn to when I am in need. Happiness to me is also about people appreciating me for who I am.

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There are definitely movies that I am awaiting for. First is The Love Guru starring Mike Myers, my ultimate favourite comedian. I saw the sneaks during American Idol this year so I really can't wait. Hahaha. Secondly, is definitely Harry Potter The Half Blood Prince. That is definitely a must watch. Shall have plans to watch together yeah? hahaha..I remembered having Hogwarts and Slytherine t-shirts. Thanks to my mom whom ended up applying for a Bossini card. I wore the Hogwarts shirt to London. Konon-nye Hermoine lah.. hahahaha.

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I got my pay today. Alhamdulillah I have already distributed to my elders. That was my first priority. It is a good feeling when you receive your first pay knowing that the last 3 weeks was a well worth hard work. Yeahh..it really feels good. Of course I wont forget my loved ones. Wait arr for my belanja part. hehehehe. Oh ya, Wak Nah our professional photographer took this photo of Eman this morning. Oh gosh my son looked so so so.. hahaha.. You take a look, you be the judge.
*Pssst...I think that Wak Nah is secretly a professional photographer for a wedding company or something, thats why during Saturday and Sunday mornings she's always missing. LOL!*

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News about my grandpa. I was informed by my uncle that my grandpa refuses to eat. He keeps saying that he is going to die and that he only drinks milk now. My heart crushed when I heard it. To those who have read this post, let us pray together. Let's pray for the best for my grandpa.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Its all about LOVE

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. I decided to change my blogging concept. I decided to not only focus on myself. This blog is also dedicated to those whom I treasure. Taking a great leap from schooling to working life. I must say that it takes time to get use to it. So have I got use to waking up early in the morning and doing the routine daily chores? Hmmm.. that I still have to ponder about. Haha.

I realise that working is very routined. Suddenlt the navy ad came to mind. The one where there was movie about this guy's daily life and shows how boring it is. Well, I guess that is mine too.

6.15 am - Wake up and bathe
6.30am - Subuh prayers
6.45am - Get ready a.k.a "solek"
7.20am - Leave the house
7.30am - Board bus 38
8.10am - Reach workplace
8.30am - Start work
12.00pm - Lunch time
1.30pm - Officially start work..heh
6pm - Go home

At night...
Do chores : iron clothes, bathe, eat and sleep

And this routine goes on everyday except during the weekends. Haha.. No complaints.
This will go on until I finish my internship. I cant believe that I am graduating soon. Oh gosh!
Hasmah has grown so fast. A lot I have learn from my life and from others. Ultimately I learnt not to hate anyone as it will come back to you. You would definitely not want anybody to hate you in return.
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I had a great weekend. Thanks to Busu for the movie treat. We watched The Dark Knight together the four of us in the late afternoon. It was chaotic and full of madness especially when Era is around.Haha. Walking from marina to Little India was definitely a cherished moment. People actually thought that we just finished wayching the NDP preview and we weren't even wearing red. Haha! We got stuck with the NDP crowd.

Bro's burfday is coming soon. We had a pre-birthday dinner. Hope he liked it. Still blurr what to get him. Sha help me out please..;p And btw, my sis tummy is getting bigger. Oh i cant wait!!!

Anyways a lot has happened. Too much to write everything but I must say that I love my family and not forgetting my sayang ayie. And btw I think that we never change, just like my love for him which will never change except that it got stronger.

"Falling for you over and over again.."
Before
After

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Temptation

The temptation was there when I saw my loved ones having their own blogs. I can't resist!
So here I am again, welcome back to me.

So what's new?
Still lovely as ever, working ;p , my heart still goes to those who deserve my love.

OUT with the old, IN with the new
~Lesson learnt~